Point # 4 : The Need of the New Age

When an individual grows he (she) needs more support than what is provided from his family (Parents, elders and siblings). The current life is full of stress and pressure.

These stresses did not exist 20 years ago, in fact the complexities of life are changing much faster than that. One can talk of life as much simpler 5 years ago as compare to now and much simpler 10 years ago as compared to 5 years ago and so on. The term generation gap is no longer an appropriate term as there exist a new gap between even people of the same generation. All this is attributed to the fast changing life.

Time line of a Guy's (girl) Life

Old times (t > 20): finish undergrad education (Age 21) -> Gets a job (Quite a Good one, may struggle some time) (Age 22) -> Gets married (22 - 24) -> life goes on.

Some what new times (10 > t > 20 ) : finish undergrad education (Age 21) -> Gets a job (Ok one)(Age 22) -> Places himself on his own earning (22 - 24) -> Gets married (24 - 26) -> life goes on.

Now a days (t <5):Finish high School(18) -> Get into good undergrad(huge struggle) (19/20) -> Finish undergrad( A lot of competition) (23/24) -> Does one of the following

1. Join some company -> Work for few years -> Higher studies, (MS/MBA) (28/29)
2. Higher studies, MS/MBA (25/26)- > Job and career (27/28)
3. Higher studies, MD, Residency etc -> Job (29/30)
4. Higher studies, PhD -> Job (28/29)
5. Struggles to get a good job (26/28) -> Time to settle or get better job etc (28/30)

More or less @ 28-30 the current generation feels comfortable to settle with a marriage. Now one can see that the age when an individual gets to have a life partner seems to move from 22/24 -> 28/30.

These 6-8 years is not the only thing that has been added in the equation, but also the factors like tension, competition, depression, peer pressure, cost of living, need for higher salary to maintain life style etc have also doubled or even tripled and more. All this additions creates the need for the individual to have a support(some thing what a life partner is suppose to provide) all the more.

Let’s examine what are the possible options and try to work the trade offs.

1. One (S)he gets married earlier, which now this interfere with the other components of life which can be eliminated.
2. Finds that support from the elders (Siblings/Parents/Other Elders) but that kind of gets mixed up due the gap in ideologies and experiences to current issues.
3. Has a good set of friends(Male/female) to support him/her in all the issues, but this is a rare happening and also everyone are involved in their own problems, which drains everything from them.
4. Find a life partner/ GF(BF), court each other and be with each other till the proper time comes and then start life, this person has a higher interest and stake in the individual as it his/her future that is at stake.

Now out of these options to me the last one seems to be the most optimum one and the current system in India doesn't provide space for the same. The time has changed and so has needs.

With out getting into the argument that life is more than computers I will like to give an example, around 1998 PIII were considered fast computers and every one got them but now the computational need (High Speed Internet etc) have risen so much that the same PIII does seem to do it and hence we get PIV and so on.

When even the computers that we use are changing as per our new requirements then why can’t we look for a new system or change it enough to make it suit our needs.

After all life and its needs, are much more important than computers and any computational requirement.

Point # 3 : Trust of judgment

In Many sections of the Indian culture it is a practice that a Bride/ Groom is found either thru some third party broker or thru matrimonial ads and websites. Use of website seems quite modern but it is still not as modern as you think.

What perplexes me is that Parents (Elders) who have raised you, taught you the judgment you claim to have at the age of 23+, trust a stranger's evaluation against your own judgment.

What does it tell about the belief they have in your judgment that, any choice you make (which technically comes under love marriage) is automatically not the right thing to do. Is this the failure of this generation to make an impression on the older or it is the failure of the latter that it couldn't impart the required basic judgment to take a proper decision in life.

In case an individual is considered not capable of making the right choice with out aid then that individual probably is not ready to run a family of his own. Which in itself is a very un-healthy concept as it leads to unnecessary interference of the older generation into the newly weds life creating the room for the infamous daughter-in-law vs Mother-in-law feuds (Kyu ki saas bhi kabhi bahu ti)

Now the burning issue is that Are we really learning to take responsibility of our own life and The fact that the older generation doesn't seem to feel confident in there own teaching seems to be the indication of the failure of the system.

Some thing needs to be done !

Point # 2 : Lack of support system

Lot of discussing about Love Vs Arranged Marriages is been blogged and since ages discussed. One of the points mostly raised is : AS_PER_STATISTICS arranged marriages are more stable against love marriages. Even though I doubt there exists an authentic source to validate this stat, I will attribute this to the PRESENCE or ABSENCE of a SUPPORT SYSTEM.

The institution of arrange marriages (india) comes with years and years of experience and support. This support system prevents couple from breaking up (divorce) easily. It also helps individuals understand how and why certain things happen in a relation. This support system also puts pressure on the individuals so as to force them to be together.

Whereas, the institution of love marriage, lacks this support system. A couple(young inexperienced) is forced to keep the relationship a secret to begin with and once surfaced have to go thru a lot of troubles before they could get to tie the knot. These troubles in itself may drain most of the energy from the couple, leave alone the days to come.The whole support system in this case is a bunch of (in)experienced friends in most cases that also may not exist. Apart from this you may also have the I_SAID_SO club which will not miss any oppurtunity to split the couple citing the least of the problems.

A energy and enthusiasm drained couple who mostly donot have anyone(from the elderly club) to explain or suggest on any(common) issues in the relationship are prone to make mistakes and take drastic step.

This kind of failure is, hence not a indication of the failure of love marriage but clearly indication of the need for a support system.

There is a need for a good support system for the following

1) Institution of Love Marriage
2) Balancing relationships with other issues of life
3) Love Relationship (Pre Marriage Phase)
4) Dating etc.

Bottom line: All relationship have trouble, it is the support system which helps it sail thru them.

Unusual Point # 1: Love solution to Racial issues.

The society be divided in Class A,B,C,D (based Language,State of residence,Religion, Caste etc.).

A supports all A(s) and hates all D(s) or A gots some preference historically and D was suppressed so now give D some support which effects A. Then there are B and C who were neither known to be historically supported nor given preferential treatment. Etc... is the state of Indian society.

No measures in Practice can eliminate this distinction as long as there is such a distinction alive. So the only way to eliminate the preferential treatment issue all together is to eliminate the cause. The cause is the established distinction . Now how to eliminate that ???

Inter-Racial Marriages (Mostly outcome of love marriages) would eliminate the distinction of an individual into the established class within few generation of such cross combination class identity will get eliminated or will be difficult to maintain.

Eg :
Generation 1 : A1 marries B1 - > AB1, AB2 ; C1 marries D1 - > CD1, CD2
Generation 2 : AB1 marries CD2 - > ABCD1 ABCD2 ....

Hence class distinction in progress of elimination.

A1 marrying B1,C1 or D1 is almost never an outcome of ARRANGED MARRIAGE, infact it is the basic criteria in arranged marriage.

So LOVE (MARRIAGE) is the solution to Racial discrimination/Preference.